Baptists Don't Dance

By: Greg Jenkins

That is what I have heard all my life. Growing up in a rural Southern Baptist church, there were several times I asked the question, “why not”? The answers ranged from vague references to John the Baptist losing his head because of dancing, or “it leads to fornication” and the most popular answer of all…. “We just don’t”.

I had pretty much accepted that since I was not naturally graceful in my movements, and I was a Baptist, dancing was out of the question. My dancing issues were settled. The thing that unsettled them was marrying a woman who wanted to learn ballroom dancing. Her birthday was approaching and I did not have a clue as to what to get her. We had taken a few dance lessons on a cruise and this led to the perfect gift; dance lessons! I figured it would only take a few months and she would see my lack of natural ability, have pity on me and give it up. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to discover. Learning ballroom dancing is about hard work, knowing the steps and practice, practice, practice. Natural ability is a plus, but not a necessity. With no excuses to fall back on, I had two choices, admit defeat, or learn to dance. We are still taking lessons.

Ballroom, or any type of partner dancing, has some basic principles that should be followed for the dance to be enjoyable. As I learned more of these principals, I began to see how similar they are to God’s principles for a successful marriage.

1: It is the man’s responsibility to lead the dance.
(Ephesians 5:23) “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church”
Leadership is something that must be done properly in order to be effective. It first requires us to learn. Men must be willing to study and be taught by others who are more advanced than us if we can hope to be a good leader. Good leadership means we have made the effort to gain the necessary knowledge to achieve our goal. In a dance, or in a marriage, it is an awesome responsibility.

2: The woman must choose to follow.
(Ephesians 5:24) “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands”
The key word in this verse is “should”. Wives and dance partners have the same portion of free will. The lady can choose not to follow her partner, but the dance won’t be as pretty and she might get stepped on. Sometimes even when she follows, she still gets stepped on (see point # 1). I know that “submission” is a big source of controversy in and out of the church. I do not have all the answers, but my personal belief is that women who have a partner that accepts and carries out his responsibility to lead properly, should have no trouble following. It is a blessing when the lady also knows the principles of the dance and helps her partner stay in time with the music.




3: Communication is key.
(Ephesians 5:31) “and the two shall become one”
If there is no connection, the dance falls apart. Did you ever watch a couple dance and wonder how she knows to turn, or spin, or change direction? She gets those signals from the man through his connection with her. Some moves may require them to dance separately for a short time, but the connection is regained as soon as possible. Every dance has different patterns and some are very similar to each other. Two moves can start the same way, but one will include a spin. The man has to decide which pattern he is going to execute and then communicate it to the lady through his connection with her. Marriage works the same way. The man may have a good idea of the direction he wants to take his family, but if he does not communicate it to his wife, she may not spin when he expects her to spin. In dance the connection is the man’s hand on the lady’s shoulder blade. Marriage requires more than a physical touch. In a successful marriage the couple is connected not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Most women can communicate verbally with little effort. Many men find it harder to do. Nobody said leadership was easy guys…. you have to learn to talk to your wives. More importantly, you have to learn to listen to your wives. Ladies can make this easier by being more direct. Don’t expect him to know what you are thinking; tell him what you are thinking (in a kind an loving way).

I sometimes watch experienced couples on the dance floor and they make it look so effortless and beautiful. I now know that it is not effortless. The beauty and grace they exhibit comes from commitment to learn and practice. I also see couples that look genuinely happy to be married to each other. This too is not without effort. To stay married requires commitment, constant learning and communication. Love alone will not make a happy marriage any more than natural ability will make you a good dancer. Dancing with your spouse provides an opportunity to spend time in each other’s arms. It promotes a sense of working together to accomplish a goal by utilizing each person’s strengths to adjust for the other’s weak areas. Too many marriages are in trouble because couples don’t set aside time to focus on doing something with each other outside the normal obligations of family activities. We often spend more time maintaining our cars and houses than our marriage. My maintenance tip is, get on the dance floor!

Baptists don’t dance…Why not?

July 30, 2010

Today is the 52nd anniversary of the day my birth mother made a good decision. I do not know this woman’s name. I don’t know the circumstances that led to her decision. I only know that it was the right one for me.

I often wonder about the events that led to this day. What was her story? Why couldn’t she keep me? These are curiosities, but not ones I lose sleep over. She gave me a life unequal to any I could have ever dreamed for myself.

Wealthy people did not adopt me. They were not famous, or people of great power and influence. They were people who knew how to love. They were willing to take a chance on a little baby and make him their own. They surrounded me with family, friends and a church that loved and nurtured me. They did their best to teach me their values, ideals and ethics. Most of all, they taught me their faith and trust in God. They didn’t preach every day. They didn’t quote a lot of scripture, but they showed me with their lives what being a Christian is all about.

My parents had bigger dreams for me than becoming a carpenter like my dad. They did want me to be a child of God, and I am so glad they led a life that brought me to the greatest carpenter that ever lived, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

To the woman who gave birth to me, God has blessed your choice. Thank you for letting me go. You could not possibly imagine the life I have had. I have been blessed with a great 52 years. It has not been free of hard times, but they have only made me stronger. You have a daughter in-law, wonderful grandchildren, and a granddaughter-in-law that are the lights of my life.

To Mama and Daddy, thank you for making me your son. I look forward to the day we can be together again in Heaven, forever praising an awesome and mighty God!

Hairspray??

As a kitchen and bath designer, I am often asked to build a room around one item. Most often it is a cherished family heirloom that needs a special display shelf, or a unique piece of artwork to use as a focal point. Recently, I designed a cabinet around a can of hair spray. It wasn’t rare or expensive. It didn’t come in a special box. It was an ordinary, aerosol can of hair spray. What made it special was that it was an item the client wanted easy access to when she needed it.

While pondering and executing this design “challenge”, I began thinking about how we design our spiritual lives. How often do we focus on the more special gifts God has given us, and overlook the common, everyday way we live? God does give us unique spiritual gifts to use in service to others and praise to Him. For most Christians these gifts are more evident in a church setting. We may use our musical talent to inspire others to praise. We may teach God’s Word in a way that brings new understanding to all who hear us. We may give encouragement those in need of hope and healing. All of these things are good, and surely bring joy to the heart of God.

So how does this relate to hairspray? Hairspray is one of many common things that are a part of our lives. We use it when we need our hair to stay in place as we go about our daily routine. How many other things do we do everyday without a lot of thought. When we stop by a store after a bad day, do we take out our frustrations on the cashier? When a thoughtless driver cuts us off in traffic, do we raise our voice in praise, or anger? When a co-worker needs to talk about a problem, do we stop to listen, or blow them off with some excuse? Our willingness to please God and live a life that would draw people to Him should be our spiritual “hairspray” during the windstorms of life.

We spend more time in the “world” than we do in church. God wants us to use our “special things” in the church. I believe He also wants us to be the same person outside the church walls. When those seeking guidance come within our midst on Sunday, will it matter how pretty we sing, how brilliantly we teach, or how compassionate we are? It won’t matter if all they remember is that our hair was out of place during the week, because we didn’t use our hairspray.

Am I better off married?

The cry of every presidential campaign always comes back to: “Are you better off now than you were four years ago?”
Today is the tenth anniversary of the day my life forever changed. Ten years ago, I married my best friend, and the love of my life.

So, am I better off than I was ten years ago? The answer is YES!.
I could say that it’s because we have had ten years of wedded bliss, with no problems. I could say that everything in our lives has been perfect. I could say that we have been in perfect agreement on every challenge we have faced.
I could say all that, but it would not be true. Compared to the challenges some have faced, we have been blessed. Our life has not been free of difficulty, but through it all, we have met these trials and grown through them.
The odds were against us from the start. The failure rate for second marriages is astronomical. So, why have we made it this far?
As we tell the people who go through our divorce recovery classes, we married because we wanted to, not because we had to. We were both completely contented single adults. Our lives were stable, socially, financially and individually. We were best friends. We met each other’s need for companionship. So, why get married? My teenage children asked the same question, and I took advantage of a great teenage teachable moment; “We want to do something that God says we shouldn’t do unless we are married”. Needless to say, that ended that particular conversation!

God made us for relationship. He created man in order to have a daily close relationship with a human being. He created woman because He saw that man needed another human specially gifted to help him realize the entire beauty of God’s creation.
We are all a part of God’s perfect plan. His plan is for us to be reconciled to Him through our acceptance of Jesus Christ as our only salvation from our sins. His plan also includes a joyful and abundant life here on earth. He is all about relationships, between Him and us, and with each other. His best picture of a proper relationship is a happy marriage.
So, am I better off now than ten years ago?
Yes, but not because of anything I have done. I am better off because I trusted God to lead my wife and me to each other. I am still truly amazed that He loved me this much.

I Can Only Imagine

April 25,2009, I witnessed God’s love and kindness in a way that is hard to describe.

I was a spectator at a dance competition in Alexandria, Louisiana. Saturday night featured a variety show of dance performances. One of the acts was a group from Mississippi, but not just any group. This was a group of mentally challenged dancers. They performed a routine with the use of dance and sign language to the song, “I Can Only Imagine”, by “Mercy Me”.

I don’t know if they fully understand the meaning of the words in the song. I don’t know if they fully understand God’s plan of salvation. I don’t know if they understand anything about doctrine and theology.

I know they loved the cheers and applause. I know they love Donna Perkins, the lady who freely gave of her time and talent to teach them dance. I know her love of God was shining through the faces of the dancers on that floor. I know God loves them as much as He loves me.

This performance brought to mind 1 Corinthians 13:12. “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” These dancers don’t see the world as we see it. Their level of understanding is much more simple than most of ours. One day, they will stand in the glory of God, free of the things that hindered them here on earth. On that day, they will know all. I also realized that compared to the mind of God, I am no different than the “mentally challenged”. Until that day, I must trust in His love for me, and do my best to show that love to those around me.

What will that day be like? Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of you, be still? I can only imagine!

What about Saturday?

I wish I could take credit for this, but I borrow this story from an Easter sermon by Max Lucado.

     It was Friday night. Jesus was dead. Put yourself in the shoes of His closest disciples. They had given up everything to follow Christ. Their dream had been to rule the earth at His side, and He was dead. Can you imagine the hopelessness and uncertainty they must have had for the future? Everything they believed in was gone.
     Now we all know what happened on Sunday morning, but what about Saturday? Saturday would have been a good time to get out of town. They didn’t have many friends around; in fact most of the city would consider them enemies. It would have been a good time to turn their back on all this Christianity business and join in with those who had mocked Jesus for His claims of being the Messiah. It was Saturday, and what did they do? They stayed close. They didn’t leave. On this dark day in their lives, they stayed close to Jesus.
     Sunday morning came, and with it, new hope and a new understanding that God had not abandoned them. The dream was different, not at all what they had expected, but Jesus was alive again! Sunday morning came and the disciples were there to witness the Miracle of the Resurrection!

We all have our Friday nights. Some are worse than others. I pray that we will all spend those desolate Saturdays staying close to Jesus. So often we can’t see Him in the Saturday times. It seems He is buried in a tomb somewhere and we will never hear Him speak to us again. Hold on and pray. There will be a Sunday morning for those who put their trust in Him. Stay close and be there to see what our Mighty God can do in your life!

A Tribute to my Dad

March 23, 1991, my dad went home to live with his Dad.

How I wish that it could have happened 30 days earlier, when he was working in his garden, with a chew of tobacco in his cheek. On that day, life was good. He had spent the day doing what he loved, tending to his home and garden. He had shared the day with the loves of his life, his wife of almost 50 years and his grandchildren.
God didn’t take him that day. Instead, I took him to the hospital where valiant efforts were made to make him well, but ultimately led to his death. It was not a death at home surrounded by family and friends. It was a death surrounded by machines and tubes and the heroic measures of a lot of people. We weren’t really sure he was aware of his surroundings until we realized he had held on to life through March 22nd. Fifty years earlier on that day, he married my mom. The pain, the medication, and the trauma of the ICU didn’t keep them from making that milestone. I believe he knew it was March 23rd, and he was free to go. I knew it was time as well. I stood outside his room that day and told the doctors to let him go.

His death, like his life, didn’t make the headlines in the newspaper that day. We spent the next few days surrounded by those who loved him and us. We were blessed and comforted.

What would dad think about us today?

He would not be surprised that my first marriage ended in divorce. He truly cared for my first wife, but he feared from the start that our core values were too different for us to last forever as a couple.
He would not be surprised that I learned from the experience. He would absolutely love his new daughter-in-law. He would love her honesty, her compassion, her commitment to her Lord and her family. Most of all; he would love her for the way she cared for his sweetheart when she needed it most.

He would be so proud of his grandchildren! Your job title or profession wouldn’t matter. The fact you were doing a good job is all he would need to know. Titles and prestige wouldn’t mean nearly as much as hearing someone say that you had made a positive difference in their lives. He has a grandson he never met, and they both missed a blessing.

I miss you dad. Thirty-two is much too young to lose your father, not that any age is an acceptable age. You tried to teach me so much in the years we had together. Our relationship was unique, partly because I was adopted. I didn’t have any of your genetic makeup. There were so many things that we didn’t understand about each other. Despite the risk, you took a little baby home as your own. If you ever doubted that decision, I never knew it. I was always secure in your love, and the love of the God you taught me to believe in. You did the best you knew to do, and you taught me more than you ever believed you could. I hope that you would be proud of me too. I followed a path you would have never chosen. I opted for the uncertainty of owning a business. You would have been terrified of that risk. I challenge authority when I believe that I am on the side of right. I am passionate about things you would have thought better left alone. You certainly would not have understood my need to write this and share it with others. You never wanted to be in the spotlight, but you always were, for me. I know people who spend their lives trying to win their father’s blessing, striving to be accepted for who they are. Despite our differences, I know I had your blessing.

Thank you daddy, for the life you gave me. The simple truths you taught me become more important every day. Rest in peace that because of you, I will spend eternity, praising our Heavenly Father with you.

"In God We Trust?"

We just returned from a cruise to the Western Caribbean. One of our ports of call was in Belize City. We went on a cave tubing adventure with our guide “Thomas”. Most people book their shore excursions from the ship they are traveling on, but being the sage cruise veterans we are, we met “Thomas” on the pier and made the arrangements there.

We had a great time and Thomas was an accommodating and seasoned guide. On the way back, some of our party entertained the idea of being dropped off at the beach, to fill the extra time we had before our ship left port. We considered this very briefly. It was then that my pessimistic attitude kicked in. I realized that only God and “Thomas” would know where we were!

I had met “Thomas” a few hours ago; I had known God all my life. I didn’t trust “Thomas”, but how much did I trust God?

How often do we make really dumb decisions only to expect God to bail us out? God set us apart from all the other animals on earth. We have the ability to reason, make decisions and exercise free will. How many times have we told our children; “Don’t touch that, it’s hot”, only to have to bandage their wounds after they ignore us? Faith is not expecting God to rescue us from every dumb decision we make. Faith is trusting God to help us use the intelligence and common sense He gave to us.

God gives us clear direction in His Word about how we should conduct our lives. When we fail, He is ready and willing to forgive us. So many people fail to realize that God doesn’t always rescue us from the consequences of our actions.

Trust Him. Have faith in Him. Get back on the ship and swim in the pool!

Where is the Kitty Cat?

Several years ago our family cat died. He was a really great cat. He was kind and gentle to everyone except the mice. His only bad quality was that he was proud of his hunting skills and usually brought the prey into the house to prove what a great hunter he was.
I built an appropriate cat coffin and we buried him under the old oak tree at our property in the country.

A few weeks later I was back out there with my son, who was four at the time. In the midst of typical four-year-old conversation he said; “Where is the kitty cat? I want to see him”. I gently explained that because the kitty died, we buried him under the ground and we couldn’t see him any more. I was not prepared for his next question. So, what will happen to me if I die? Forty plus years of Sunday school flashed through my mind. Countless discussions about “age of accountability” and salvation came to mind. The hesitation lasted only a moment and I told him what I truly believe about our God and His love for children. Son, if you died right now, you would go to heaven to live with Jesus. “Okay”, he said. “What’s that thing over there”? “Can I play with it”?

Then it hit me. This was what Jesus was talking about when He said, “Unless you become like one of these little children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. My son had a question about his eternity. He asked his daddy for an answer. His daddy gave him an answer, and he believed it because his daddy said it and he trusted his daddy. End of subject!

For centuries this has been the question; “ What will happen to me when I die?” Volumes have been written and spoken on the subject. Some churches and theologians have devised countless rules and rituals to guarantee entrance to Heaven. It’s really pretty simple.

God is perfect. Only people who do no wrong can live with Him.
We are not perfect. It does not matter how good we are, we still do wrong. God said our wrongs had to be punished. Our punishment was that we would never be able to live in Heaven with God.
Jesus said He would go to earth, as a human, and live a perfect life. He would face everything that humans face, and not do any wrong. He would be the only human being that ever lived who could die and go to live with God in Heaven. Then, He would take the punishment for all the wrongs that we do.
Jesus loved us so much that He was willing to be separated from God, so that we could be with God, forever. God would no longer need to punish us. We would be perfect in God’s eyes because of what Jesus did. All we have to do is accept Jesus’ gift, admit that we need forgiveness for our sin, and ask him to take control of our lives.
God saved Jesus from being apart from Him by raising Him from the dead. He is not in the ground any more! He is alive in Heaven! God keeps His promises. We can go to Heaven to live with Him when we die. All we have to do is believe it, just like my little boy ……because our Daddy said it!

What I learned from watching the Super Bowl

For some unknown reason, I am watching the Super Bowl. Perhaps it is just the nostalgia of the Steelers. I am a little disappointed that Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Mean Joe Greene and Lynn Swan are not in the game. What the heck are the St. Louis Cardinals doing in Arizona?? This should be an indication of how long it has been since I followed the NFL. I am amazed by the "challenges" to the referee's decisions based upon instant replay!!! Obviously this is a new concept for me! I grew up with a game that involved a number of elements that were beyond the control of the players and coaches. These included weather, injuries, acts of God and stupid calls by officials. These were all just obstacles that were overcome by superior skills of the athletes on the field. Not any more!! Now we can CHALLENGE!!
This is just another example of what a society of whiners we have become. If things don't go our way, let's complain to the government. How dare we be denied something we want because of someone else’s insensitivity or ignorance. The boss's nephew got the promotion instead of me, even though I was more qualified. I'll sue them for discrimination!!! I only lost the election by 39%....I demand a recount....there must have been fraud. Grow up people!!! Life isn't fair!!!! This should be the first sentence every pre-K student learns.
Adversity is what makes us stronger. If every injustice we suffer is overruled by the instant replay we will soon come to believe that every failure is an injustice. We need our failures. We need some injustice in our lives. Without them we will never learn perseverance. Whining and complaining is the coward's way out. Injustice makes us examine ourselves. It compels us to recognize our true convictions and determine what is worth fighting over and what we can let pass. We may lose some contests along the way, but in the end we will know who we are and come to realize that our achievements and failures are based more on our response to life's injustice than the injustice itself.
Jesus had the ultimate instant replay. He knew the call was not justified. He had done no wrong. He could have called all the angels in Heaven to overrule the judges on the field. He knew that suffering the penalty was not the end of the game. He saw past the big game to look at the eternity of the contest. He knew it was not over. Regardless of what it looked like on the field, it was only halftime. The comeback came, and the game was over for all time.
How sad that so many still doubt the decision. We can't believe the game is over and the score is final. The penalties have all been paid; it is finished. We can stop running if we just let Jesus be the leader of our team. We win !! Trust the final score... Satan 0....God and His children..everything!!!
Whatever injustice we face on this earth, painful as it may be at the time; cannot defeat those of us who put our trust in a God who promises us eternal peace and joy if we will only accept Him as our head coach and follow His leadership.

What Causes Divorce ?

By Greg Jenkins

Lawyers and judges cause divorce. After all, divorce is just the legal end to a marriage.

The bigger question is what causes a marriage to fail? I have been facilitating divorce recovery support groups for over 10 years. I should know the answer to this question. If I could just tell every married couple the answer, then divorce could be eliminated. Surely no one would go through the agony of divorce if they knew how to prevent it?
What causes bankruptcy? It couldn’t possibly be spending more than you make. What causes a lot of lung cancer? It couldn’t possibly be smoking cigarettes. What causes pregnancy? It couldn’t possibly be sexual intercourse? We all know the answers here; many choose to ignore them.

Divorce is caused by selfishness. One, or both of the partners in a marriage consistently make the choice to believe their needs are more important than their partners. We all stand and promise to love, honor and cherish. Somewhere along the way we become so complacent to believe that our spouse will love us no matter how we treat them. We get so wrapped up in our careers, kids and survival that we take our spouse for granted. We foolishly think that they will worship us simply because we live in the same house. When we think they don’t, we get dissatisfied. How dare they not show us the respect we deserve? I can be happier by myself (or with what’s their name who seems interested in me). After all, it is all about ME!!!

I realize there are situations where divorce is the best option. Abuse, neglect and infidelity have to be dealt with appropriately. These are not the situations I am addressing here. I am writing this to appeal to the couples that are looking for an easy way out of their unhappiness. I can tell you from experience; divorce isn’t the way. Divorce is one of those things you never really get “over”. Oh, you will move on. You can become a contented single adult or in time, move on to another relationship, but you will always remember the failure. If there are children involved, their lives will be changed forever; but you have a “right to happiness”, don’t you? Sadly, some people have to lose everything to realize that happiness comes from within. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. They can do a lot to facilitate your happiness, but ultimately they don’t control it forever. Happiness is too closely connected to our circumstances to base a life on it alone.

We make many choices every day. We choose to get out of bed, get dressed, go to work or play, etc. The common denominator in all choice is consequences. Each decision causes us to “count the cost”, however briefly. We don’t give a lot of deep thought to most of the choices we make because they are so simple. Choosing to love your spouse is often viewed as one of these “simple” decisions. After all, didn’t we already promise to do that when we said, “I do”? Choosing to make your spouse feel loved is a decision requiring effort. We can’t just say it; we have to do it, even if we don’t always feel like it.

What causes divorce?
I believe it’s not enough “I Will” between the “I Do” and the “I Quit”.